not happy

I am so unhappy at the moment.
I hate work,my personal life has flatlined.I dont know what to do-nothing specific has happened but nothing is going right and work inparticular is bringing the worst out of me.I feel so isolated there and at times it is like working with ungrateful schoolboys who will stab you in the back in lieu of any camaradarie-for all the talk of a modern police force sometimes underneath the surface is the same old macho culture and I am dying a death in it.I cant relax and I dont feel like I can be myself anymore.I saw my friend who I joined with yesterday and she is of the same mind somewhat-I can be myself with her and feel as though I am listened to and liked and as though I am of some value.All things lacking at work for me at this time.

Do I even want to put up with all the abuse you get doing this job?There are some scummy people out there and all I want just lately is to not be around these vile people who dont give anything to society,not have to worry about about getting stabbed or complained about,not to listen to the same old crap coming out of the mouths of these leaches,not to have to do the right thing all the time.

This is probably the most open post I have done for a long time now,I need some good things to happen to me.

Owwwwwwwwwwww!

I burnt my hand last night by splashing hot oil on it-and it bloody hurt!For such a small area it was incredibly painful-much worse than any other burns I've had before and I spent the night with hand wrapped in an ice cooler.This photo was taken with my new all singing,all dancing camera,so expect lots more tedious photos in this blog from now on.

I was supposed to be going out tonight with one of my naughty drinking partners but he's let me down at the last minute which is a shame as I wanted to wear my new leather jacket and get very drunk seeing as I have been off the wine for nearly a week now (see earlier post),I will break my self imposed wine ban though tonight anyway in preparation for tomorrow night-I am meeting an old friend who joined the job before me and I havent seen him for ages,I need to pick his brains as I *might* be defecting to the other side.Well,I'm mulling the idea over anyway.

Primark Winter 2007

I LOVE both of thse coats,but what are the chances of them ever being instore?

some home ideas I have ..

I am fed up with my flat at the moment,there are lots of things that need doing that I cant afford to get done really or will lead onto other jobs beng done,so I don't know where to start-you know how one job cant be done in isolation,so I end up doing nothing!


I wish everyone would paint their flats lovely ice-cream colours in my street,it would look so pretty and increase the desirablity of the area.One day I will get round to painting mine a pale green to try and cover up the pebble dashing nastiness that is atm,so I can't talk either!



I want to put some subtle 'original' features back into my Victorian/Edwardian flat-it probably never had any in the first place but it looks as though it should have-like these ceiling roses.Oh,and a chandelier.


a garden decking area like this.....



I love the light rope that lights up the underneath.


a mirror maybe like this one to replace the mirror I have already that I dont like anymore.


an original movie poster like this one I saw in Kimberly Stewarts house in L.A on MTV Cribs!



I love the colour of this bathroom wall and the floor.


love this headboard too-I could make this though.

urgghhhhhh!

spiders!!Little fuckers,its spider season again and they have got their flippin webs all across my garden-I was hanging out my washing yesterday and walked into a web which stuck to my face then the spider fell down my top!So if you saw someone waving their arms about and screaming whilst hanging out the washing-that was me.

no other reason to post this other than to say 'how totally shaggable does George Clooney look here?!'I would anyway.

Panorama

I don't usually comment on work stuff,but I am watching this now,and all I can think is what a load of rubbish!!Its true there is a lot of paperwork,and my force is apparently one of the worst for paperwork (we do our own files),but its not THAT bad,the thing I find more annoying is some duty officer sitting in an office monitoring the radio and chasing you up to take action on jobs that only need 'words of advice' or a stop at most.I am young in service so I suppose its different what it used to be but I can't help thinking its exaggerating somewhat.Lots of the easy detections they are talking about are what lazy officers do and I can't imagine that has changed any over the years,there are always plenty of easy jobs to be had and the hard jobs never give you any ticks in boxes anyway in my experience.Timewasting in custody however is a different matter,but I cant change that and it's no different wherever you go.



BTW,why has my blogger dashboard gone German?

aaawwww

"The 12-week-old macaque was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province, China, after being abandoned by his mother.

Taken to an animal hospital, he was weaned back to physical health but still showed little appetite for life.

It was not until a fellow patient, a white pigeon, took him under her wing and showed him love and affection that he perked up.

Now the two are inseparable, say staff."


I am a sucker for cute little baby monkeys!

mmmmm.......

I like someone at work.
I can't tell if he's interested though,he certainly knows who I am now,whereas he didnt a week or 2 ago and I hadn't noticed him until now but I'm so out of practice and feeling like a bit of a fat minger these days that I can't flirt too much incase he is horrified,and now he's gone back to his home station I wont see him that often.......his colleague mentioned in passing last week that he was going on a date ,so he's not properly attached but I really cant read the signs anymore.*sigh*

in the last 2 days I have bought...

a black t-shirt top with frilly front~Miss Selfridge £18
hair accessories~Miss S + H&m
white oversized sweatshirt~£10 H&M
6X CD's £1 EACH from Borders (I cant get into downloading tunes)
'Cook yourself thin' book ~£5 'cos I had a voucher
a pink yoga mat~£6
wrist and ankle weights~£4
a pink sunscreen for my car~£3
Blue Cult jeans from TK Maxx~£20-if I wasn't so fat atm I would have looked good in the bargainous Superfines or Sass & Bides Misfits they had.
Boots 'Protect and Perfect' now I could finally get some without queuing up~£17.
oh,and I've ordered a new digital camera online,but haven't got it yet.


I think thats all

I saw this the other day

when I was out on a job,on a car driven by a man so either he thinks he's the D's B's or he doesn't realise what it spells,I pointed it out to the guys I was working with who didnt know how to take it I dont think 'cos it was the first time I'd worked with them,but I thought it was hilarious,could have just been lack of food though.I'd started at 7 and didnt get to eat till 1,so by then I was talking gibberish-we all were,so went off to a cafe somewhere out in the sticks to have 2x fried eggs,chips and beans,no wonder I cant lose weight.

wine

is it wrong that I can't stop quaffing wine atm?I dont drinks masses,but I am drinking about 2 glasses every night-thats quite alot for me at home.Everywhere these days they go on and on about binge drinking....whatever.......but I love drinking-I love the mad conversations you have when you are a bit tipsy,I love the flirting and all the gossip people tell you,even though I ALWAYS forget it in the morning which is a bit annoying.I love doing naughty things that I wouldnt dare do if I was sober.I especially love drinking when you are not supposed to.At the moment I am loving Echo Falls 'white wine' which sounds like a load of cheap rubbish,but its lovely,and Ogio Pinot Grigio.


And,yes,I have started already!