I am in shock

I messaged this other woman and got a reply this morning,

Hi,

thanks for your email. Have you seen *knobface* since he has got back from holiday? You have said that you two are over now, is this a result of finding out about me?

I'm just a little curious are either one of these your numbers:

mobile number 1
mobile number 2


I'm really sorry as i have had no idea about you or anyone else.

Miss X.


I mailed her back and said they werent my numbers (which they're not)and go this reply after 1/2 an hour,

I've spoken to *knobface* who has explained the situation and to be honest i think you two need to deal with it.

Miss X.

So,he's wormed his way out of it with her by probably saying we did once go out and it was me bothering him or something like that.I should imagine she has decided to believe it even though she obviously had some suspicions as she asked me about other numbers.

I am dreading work now,it will be hell.





*My name for him,not hers.

why am I such a fool?

Well,as I said earlier he is back from holiday.I spoke to him on the day he got back although it wasn't the joyous conversation I had imagined as he was knackered and seemed to think it would be better to speak the next day-er no not in my books it wasn't.Anyway he's been ill all week so I havent seen him and he wasn't returning my calls.I finally spoke to him last night (!)and he said he had been running between bed and the toilet etc etc,I didnt quite belive it all but he said he'd phone me today.You can guess the rest,I asked him to call me before X-Factor (get my priorities right!)and in the meantime I was browsing Facebook (devils work)and saw a post off a woman saying 'are you excited?' so I can see straight away he's been intouch with someone,not me.So I do a bit of detective work and look at her profile,and see shes bought tickets to something-I'm guessing thats what the post is about.I keep digging and check her posts and they are all relating to him,these are them;
X wishes the sexy policeman would hurry up and get better!
X cannot wait for the policeman to get home!
X is counting down the days until the sexy policeman gets home :(.
X going to start doing some work so that she wont be thinking about the sexy policeman being away for 2 weeks :(.
X thinks that a certain policeman rocks her world!

I am shaking,I keep digging and on his posted items he put something like 'policeman and exGF are such dummies they cant rotate the picture',the day this was posted they are also listed as being in a relationship-this was back in May when we were supposedly trying to sort out a relationship with each other and its also alot later in the year than when he said they were seeing each other which I kind of had sussed out already,at that time he had some pictures of his daughters on there with her and when I quizzed him about it at the time he said it was a friend,he later admitted who she was,but that the pictures were old.

I can almost understand the lying about the ex-GF to make it easy to explain to me,but this new woman????All this was/is happening whilst he was texting me sweet nothings from holiday and joking about future babies before he went.
I am in shock,this is not some random man who I don't know from Adam,I've known him for about 2 1/2 years and have worked closely with him and been close to him as friends.He chased me (see previous posts!)and even yesterday was telling me not to give up on him,on holiday he was saying how much he loved the place and 'next year you're coming here with me'.I am going to let her know what a wanker he is.

Seriously,what do I do wrong?I loved him which was rather quick but the friends thing changed everything.

he's back

so we'll see what happens-if anything,cos you know I am a doubter.

counting down the days

As I said previously,'man at work' has gone on holiday.Without me but with his ex gf.How bloody wrong is that?He booked it when he was seeing her at the start of the year (which is ok cos we werent anything then)but didnt tell me about it until I found out by accident.
So I confront him and it turns out he was still going with her and her whole bloody family was now going as they are no longer together-her Mother,her Sister and brother-in-law and her (male) mate,I was fucking well raging/gutted/shocked/jealous,everything.So I told him I was calling it a day as I couldnt handle that and the fact he hadn't told me sooner.
Anyway,it put me in a weird situation because I didn't want to lose him but couldnt let him take the piss either.We ended up having a big talk and came to a 'terms of agreement' of how we would handle it,I'm still not sure if I'm being a mug but I told him to phone me before he went,he did and he texted me when he landed and he's kept in regular touch this week,so thats all good.He swears on his daughters life that nothing will happen,and like a bloody teenager I will make him do it again when he gets back as I know he wouldn't do that on a lie.
Years ago I would have dumped him and moved on,but thats never done me any favours either,so I am just going with it for now and hoping I'm not being made a fool of,'cos I am missing him.
Bloody men-I can't live with them and can't live without them.I hate all this up and down and analysing and game playing,I never cheat on partners and I'm loyal to them as well.My friends are not impressed either,needless to say,but I think I've fucked things up in previous relationships by being too cautious so I am doing the opposite with him.

shopping round up

I went shopping today to take my mind off my 'man at work' who has gone on holiday without me,I might blog it later but its too complicated for now.I bought these shoes for work,when I have to be smart as they're not too high.

This organic shopping bag,she asked me if I wanted one to put my purchases in,so I said yes and paid for my own shopping bag,mmmmm.

Chunky cardigan,to wear with jeans and Uggs.

This All Saints lookalike cardigan,alot cheaper than the actual All Saints ones I have!

This dress-not steamed the creases out here but you get the idea!Just need somewhere to wear it now,I thought it was quite Westwood?

These peeptoes,not that I can walk in them....


I did get a few other bits,mainly knickers but no-one needs to see those!

back to black

Its easier to post about this rather than real life,that might be later....








I was inspired by this picture I found,so I've got the wallpaper (although I dont know how to wallpaper)and I got the bedframe (that needs spraying completely white as its cream atm) and then I shall have a boudoir.The mirror is an idea as I have the same kind of mirror but its gilded-I might paint it black for the bedroom.I would quite like a black sheepskin rug too if thats not going too far.

I met a blogger the other night...............

Mr ATNS,whose funny blog is here http://areatracenosearch.blogspot.com/.We decided to go for a drink local to both our patches,probably so that we could both run off and know where we were (even though I forgot where we were meeting!) if the other one turned out to be a physcho (sp?).He wasnt,isn't.
What do 2 people who have never met before talk about-not sure but it didnt seem to be a problem and we chatted away like we'd already met (I thought),we did a deal to get much coveted Gucci kit (police love collecting uniform that they shouldnt have!)and realised that we'd both been to the same gruesome job at the same time.
Anyway Mr ATNS,thank you for cheering me up-I am not normally so indecisive (I don't think!) but as you know,I am not quite myself atm.

And the most important topic of the night,'are we going to blog this?'.It would have been rude not to.