Thursday, April 12, 2007

Today I felt totally 'bleurgh'

when my colleague revealed he was dating a sometime colleague of mine,I have always had a bit of a soft spot for him,nothing major,but you know how it is-I just like him; I think the reason I felt so crap was because he is in his early 40's and she is 25-no biggie really,but I felt like he should be the sort of guy I should be with,as I'm nearer his age,but instead he chooses a 25 year old-how can I compete with that?Where are all the decent men?I dont know where I stand anymore,I dont know how men see me,I only seem to attract totally unsuitable men,like the sergeant who pretends not to know my name now-he certainly knew it when he asked me out for drinks way back when I was still being puppy-walked!He is totally devoid of personality and I have never seen him smile-that in itself is a total turnoff for me,but that seems to be my lot,and I dont want that.
I feel a bit cheated by it all,the one guy I have feelings for,inspite of my better judgement,likes me back but not enough to risk getting hurt again,its so unfair,I get teased at work about 'finding me a man',so bloody easy to do when you are secure in the knowledge you are loved isn't it?


Sorry for the downer.

8 comments:

Annette said...

I'm sure the right man will come along.
You could meet someone easily, it doesn't have to be at work!
In fact I think it's better if he doesn't work with you because then you will have different interests.

You will, I'm sure, meet someone.

GirlNextDoor said...

Awwww, hugs firstly :o)
I agree with Annette, Im sure someone will come along, you come over as a nice person in your blog & it's probably better if he doesn't work with you, gets complicated a bit then.
I know what you mean about it being easy for other people to say when they're loved up themselves, I got that feeling when Id been single for over a year & all my friends had boyfriends/girlfriends, Id just about given up & stopped looking when I met the guy Im with now & he's well worth the wait, so you never know, there might be someone just round the corner :o)
In the meantime keep enjoying the Primarni visits & being glam! lol :o)

Shinyaholic said...

I'm not going to tell you that you'll meet someone who's right for you, because I'm sure deep down you know that. It just feels really shitty right now and you can't imagine it happening.

Don't get hung up on the age thing either. I've always dated men older than me and have been constantly insecure about them meeting someone more wordly and experienced that they have more in common with. It works both ways!

thoughts running through my head.... said...

Thanks ladies,its not really about him,just the loss of opportunity I think and the reminder of the one I cant have.:-(

totallyun-pc said...

Don't get involved with coppers girly.... I've seen em wreck lives.

You'll be fine. (thats from an old bloke who knows)

thoughts running through my head.... said...

I know,I know-I've been there done that a few times,and that was before I was on the inside!

GirlNextDoor said...

Regarding tupc's comment, what is it with coppers & relationships? I thought it was just me thought like that!
Definitely not ideal, from my personal experience anyway.
It's good being with someone but sometimes I miss being single so enjoy it while it lasts :o)

totallyun-pc said...

I think cos they see so much going on especially with family related incidents etc etc through their working career, they become desensitized to feelings quite often, and then those feelings become cheap. even if they are their own. You spend most of your life with the people you work with and often the uniform makes you someone else for those hours you wear it.

Oh my God? did I really say that? I'm getting soft! I need to get back to playing Rugby...