current inspiration

Grab This      See more Flashtoys

new jacket.

I went to TK Maxx yesterday to buy a can opener and saw this cute jacket,I have one that is similar but vintage,but this one fits pefectly which doesnt ususally happen with vntage leather jackets-fits over the boobs and actually does up so I had to have it.

no room for me on my sofa!!

latest buys.

nothing major,but all things that go with wardrobe already.
vintage cameo locket

vintage apple pendant

sparkly hairslides.

gunmetal chain necklace,looks better irl

ballerina flats-slightly sparkly,I love these!
jute leopard shopper.

leather pewter ballerina flats.

magical!

Whilst working nights recently,we drove through woods and out of the woods ran a heard of deer,all prancing (very apt) out of the snow covered forest,it was magical,like a stolen moment-I'm not used to seeing real live animals (other than foxes),given the areas I usually work in so this was an unexpected treat.They were too quick to get a photo of though.

recent buys

All from Topshop,I havent recieved them yet so hopefully they will all be ok,unlike the crap I ordered from ASOS which is going back!

my obligatory snowy pics

brilliant idea

I had an idea whilst on nights,which might well explain it-what if someone invented a pill that would sober you up within half an hour after you had been drinking,so that you could then drive your self home?How brilliant would that be?I wonder if it already exists though but is secret or something?I would definitely take them if they were available so that I could go ot and get drunk then drive home without the hassle of getting a cab or public transport.

Oh,more homeware stuff I bought ages ago but forgot to post

I am doing ok now with doing my flat up,I bought this chandelier for my living room,

this Habitat bedlinen,looks much better as this is the photo off the packaging


this cutlery from Habitat ages ago and I dont think I posted a photo then,I got it off Ebay BNWT for a bargain price and I love it so much!!

this Habitat shelving to store my cookbooks on,

this light for the hallway for my flat and the upstairs one,

the sales....

I can't believe I haven't really done the sales this year-I did manage to buy these the other day though so I'm not ill or anything!

this angora cardigan,

this Topshop t-shirt,

this Jamie Oliver book-my favourite chef,so lots of new recipes to try,

new wine glasses as I keep breaking mine just lately,mmm....that may be self explanatory!

this pink flask for work which is much more pink IRL!

banoffee pie

check out this Banofee Pie I made for Christmas-I was so proud of it!!!

mug shots

I keep forgetting to blog-its not that I've lost interest but I just don't automatically go to blog these days,as a reminder I'm posting a link to this fab site with the funniest custody shots-all American though as I doubt jailers would stand for it over here.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1217081mugyear1.html

I still don't know how to post a link correctly on Blogger though

how much do I love monkeys??!!!

I've said before how much I love monkeys,and this is why!!!I'd love to have one as a pet.

Natural World: Cheeky Monkey

oh,by the way.......

I did get it but I'm not ure now its the right thing to do,given the condtitions.

prosseco

I have drunk a whole bottle of this tonight.Aand eaten 5 packets of crisps,even though they were low fat (2%) ones.My cousin died on Sunday at 42,she had been very very ill for years and its a relief really.But 42?Its so sad.All I do these days is post about man at work,but things had been ok even after the last post about him-he said he was scared of falling inlove and what my family would think of him etc and asked did I want to meet his children?Yes of course I said,he was asking me did I want to have kids (hello,yes!) and he got me hopin and ofcourse he is nowhere to be seen when I nees him.I am such a fuckwit for falling for him.

I am growing my fringe out

again.I won a free wash+blow dry last week at John Frieda and as well as the said w+bd,free champagne and nibbles,I got a goody bag containing a shampoo+conditioner,serum,night treatments and hair gleam,all free for turning up and worth about £25!The girl who did my hair was really sweet and offered to do me some D for P,as she was loving my slightly squiffy stories!I will see if shes true to her word,as JF is not normally somewhere I could afford (£120 for 1/2 head highlights and £90 cut and blow dry!).
Now I'm not sure whether to grow out the fringe again and to cut my hair as its gotten very long and I am fed up of it,it doesnt help that I have to have it tied up in a bun all the time at work either.

interview

I have an interview next week to transfer to the dark side (haha)and I am told the current buzz word is 'demographic',I just about knew what it meant,so I shall try and drop that in if it doesnt make me sound too poncy.I also have to do the fitness test,I've done it so many times before but I still struggle on the upper body strength push and pull test,and it doesnt help when the blokes at work say 'oh its barely worth doing its so easy' cos I really struggle with it,I just dont have alot of natural strength in my arms although this doesnt stop me doing the job,I think the test should be you running after a 16 year old in full uniform after eating a kebab,then it'd be accurate!Even when I train down the gym and build up my arms I cant do it properly,so I am hoping I can wing it this time.


P.S who wants the 'finders fee' if they still do it?

no surprises

Man at Work has gone awol on me again,2 weeks after saying he didnt want to lose me and hoped it wasn't too late.I never learn do I?I don't know if he's playing around with other women or just isnt ready for a proper relationship and just thinks he is every now and then,and then bottles it,but I'm done (always wanted to say that The Hills stylee!),jeez men are so weird!

well.........

as per usual I have left it ages to update,and the longer I leave it the harder it is to actually do it,but thanks for your comments and prompts to update.

Lots of things have happened since I last posted,especially with the man at work.In a nutshell,we had a big talk before I left my old station,I realised I got some things wrong and things ended up being back on.Then everyone at work found out which lead me to believe that he was gossiping about us so we fell out again,we have however made it up since then and so far things have been good.He swears blind he has not cheated on me and has not been with the girl who I emailed and that she was taking things into her own hands regarding him,which I can believe although I know there is no smoke without fire,and he must have been encouraging her.I want to believe him though and I cant explain properly in words but his actions are more consistent with the man I know than the one I thought he had become,I want to believe him and I want to give it a go because I can't forget about him.I found out also the person who was telling everyone at work was the ex-Mr 'it'll all end in tears'!!What an idiot,he must be jealous to come in and gossip about us 2 after all this time.Its all so petty and make me realise who men never grow up!Mr 'it'll all end in tears' had better be very careful about what gossip he spreads about me,because I could do the same about him that would ruin his ladies man rep at work,if you know what I mean ;-)!!!The knob.


Enough of that for now,I am sick to death of talking about it and justifying myself and I just want to move on and give this relationship a go,and if it all ends badly then at least I have tried and followed my heart instead of my head for once.I am at a new station now which is so much better than my old one,I work with a good team who actualy know what theyre doing and a sergeant who isnt a complete knob who doesnt know what he's talking about and who doesnt hate me,so work is good which has helped alot,I was in such a bad place mentally before,the ex-sgt was making me start to belive I was a terrible person who everyone hated and I was worth nothing and could do nothing right,when in fact it him who that applies to,not me.

What would one of my posts be without me adding some pics of things I have bought??I have lost my shoping mojo it seems so there are only a few things,but this little jacket which is more of a teal colour irl and is the sort of thing I almost couldnt decide if I loved or hated


and this lace jacket which I think looks very vintage

I am in shock

I messaged this other woman and got a reply this morning,

Hi,

thanks for your email. Have you seen *knobface* since he has got back from holiday? You have said that you two are over now, is this a result of finding out about me?

I'm just a little curious are either one of these your numbers:

mobile number 1
mobile number 2


I'm really sorry as i have had no idea about you or anyone else.

Miss X.


I mailed her back and said they werent my numbers (which they're not)and go this reply after 1/2 an hour,

I've spoken to *knobface* who has explained the situation and to be honest i think you two need to deal with it.

Miss X.

So,he's wormed his way out of it with her by probably saying we did once go out and it was me bothering him or something like that.I should imagine she has decided to believe it even though she obviously had some suspicions as she asked me about other numbers.

I am dreading work now,it will be hell.





*My name for him,not hers.

why am I such a fool?

Well,as I said earlier he is back from holiday.I spoke to him on the day he got back although it wasn't the joyous conversation I had imagined as he was knackered and seemed to think it would be better to speak the next day-er no not in my books it wasn't.Anyway he's been ill all week so I havent seen him and he wasn't returning my calls.I finally spoke to him last night (!)and he said he had been running between bed and the toilet etc etc,I didnt quite belive it all but he said he'd phone me today.You can guess the rest,I asked him to call me before X-Factor (get my priorities right!)and in the meantime I was browsing Facebook (devils work)and saw a post off a woman saying 'are you excited?' so I can see straight away he's been intouch with someone,not me.So I do a bit of detective work and look at her profile,and see shes bought tickets to something-I'm guessing thats what the post is about.I keep digging and check her posts and they are all relating to him,these are them;
X wishes the sexy policeman would hurry up and get better!
X cannot wait for the policeman to get home!
X is counting down the days until the sexy policeman gets home :(.
X going to start doing some work so that she wont be thinking about the sexy policeman being away for 2 weeks :(.
X thinks that a certain policeman rocks her world!

I am shaking,I keep digging and on his posted items he put something like 'policeman and exGF are such dummies they cant rotate the picture',the day this was posted they are also listed as being in a relationship-this was back in May when we were supposedly trying to sort out a relationship with each other and its also alot later in the year than when he said they were seeing each other which I kind of had sussed out already,at that time he had some pictures of his daughters on there with her and when I quizzed him about it at the time he said it was a friend,he later admitted who she was,but that the pictures were old.

I can almost understand the lying about the ex-GF to make it easy to explain to me,but this new woman????All this was/is happening whilst he was texting me sweet nothings from holiday and joking about future babies before he went.
I am in shock,this is not some random man who I don't know from Adam,I've known him for about 2 1/2 years and have worked closely with him and been close to him as friends.He chased me (see previous posts!)and even yesterday was telling me not to give up on him,on holiday he was saying how much he loved the place and 'next year you're coming here with me'.I am going to let her know what a wanker he is.

Seriously,what do I do wrong?I loved him which was rather quick but the friends thing changed everything.

he's back

so we'll see what happens-if anything,cos you know I am a doubter.

counting down the days

As I said previously,'man at work' has gone on holiday.Without me but with his ex gf.How bloody wrong is that?He booked it when he was seeing her at the start of the year (which is ok cos we werent anything then)but didnt tell me about it until I found out by accident.
So I confront him and it turns out he was still going with her and her whole bloody family was now going as they are no longer together-her Mother,her Sister and brother-in-law and her (male) mate,I was fucking well raging/gutted/shocked/jealous,everything.So I told him I was calling it a day as I couldnt handle that and the fact he hadn't told me sooner.
Anyway,it put me in a weird situation because I didn't want to lose him but couldnt let him take the piss either.We ended up having a big talk and came to a 'terms of agreement' of how we would handle it,I'm still not sure if I'm being a mug but I told him to phone me before he went,he did and he texted me when he landed and he's kept in regular touch this week,so thats all good.He swears on his daughters life that nothing will happen,and like a bloody teenager I will make him do it again when he gets back as I know he wouldn't do that on a lie.
Years ago I would have dumped him and moved on,but thats never done me any favours either,so I am just going with it for now and hoping I'm not being made a fool of,'cos I am missing him.
Bloody men-I can't live with them and can't live without them.I hate all this up and down and analysing and game playing,I never cheat on partners and I'm loyal to them as well.My friends are not impressed either,needless to say,but I think I've fucked things up in previous relationships by being too cautious so I am doing the opposite with him.

shopping round up

I went shopping today to take my mind off my 'man at work' who has gone on holiday without me,I might blog it later but its too complicated for now.I bought these shoes for work,when I have to be smart as they're not too high.

This organic shopping bag,she asked me if I wanted one to put my purchases in,so I said yes and paid for my own shopping bag,mmmmm.

Chunky cardigan,to wear with jeans and Uggs.

This All Saints lookalike cardigan,alot cheaper than the actual All Saints ones I have!

This dress-not steamed the creases out here but you get the idea!Just need somewhere to wear it now,I thought it was quite Westwood?

These peeptoes,not that I can walk in them....


I did get a few other bits,mainly knickers but no-one needs to see those!

back to black

Its easier to post about this rather than real life,that might be later....








I was inspired by this picture I found,so I've got the wallpaper (although I dont know how to wallpaper)and I got the bedframe (that needs spraying completely white as its cream atm) and then I shall have a boudoir.The mirror is an idea as I have the same kind of mirror but its gilded-I might paint it black for the bedroom.I would quite like a black sheepskin rug too if thats not going too far.

I met a blogger the other night...............

Mr ATNS,whose funny blog is here http://areatracenosearch.blogspot.com/.We decided to go for a drink local to both our patches,probably so that we could both run off and know where we were (even though I forgot where we were meeting!) if the other one turned out to be a physcho (sp?).He wasnt,isn't.
What do 2 people who have never met before talk about-not sure but it didnt seem to be a problem and we chatted away like we'd already met (I thought),we did a deal to get much coveted Gucci kit (police love collecting uniform that they shouldnt have!)and realised that we'd both been to the same gruesome job at the same time.
Anyway Mr ATNS,thank you for cheering me up-I am not normally so indecisive (I don't think!) but as you know,I am not quite myself atm.

And the most important topic of the night,'are we going to blog this?'.It would have been rude not to.

normal service will be resumed shortly!

same old story...............

Where to start?I have mentioned him on here before,a man at work who had a thing for me,and I didnt,then did (well didnt think I did)and more recently who I had a little kiss with on double bubble (double yea!!).Well,I cant even remember now if I blogged this but he was talking about leaving London and I suddenly saw what I really wanted-Him.
After a lot of faffing about and letting downs (by him)we eventually got together,and it felt right.Very right in fact.We've talked about long term stuff,like the future and how to work things around work etc.He's admitted that he's messed me around because he's scared of getting hurt,like I'm not,but I suppose he's a lot younger than me and doesnt have the experience of getting hurt in relationships like I have.
So all is well and we were supposed to go out today and night,and I had that feeling this morning that he was going to bail on me,instinct.I texted him and then phoned him and he wouldnt pick up,so here I am that stupid thing called hope having being ingnited in me and taken away,again
I cant even just move on and forget about him like I wouldd with any random man I'd met how did this cos he means something to me even without all the relationship stuff as I've known him for 2-3 years and we've been through quite alot at work as we used to work together as partners.I really thought this time I might get a chance to be happy with someone who likes me for what I am,rather than what men often think I am.Stupid me eh?Worse thing is I know he is genuine but it seems I am not worth the risk.

Still,wine has its uses eh?

To quote a very good blog.......

by a lovely lady,'where do I start,where do I begin?'I havent been here for ages,partially as I finally,after much angst bought a new laptop (see pics)



and I have been catching up with refinding everything I had saved in bookmarks (cos I dont know how to transfer it over)and generally not being annoyed at a crashing,freezing old desk top!!Its so quick,so easy to use,3GB HD and 250GB RAM or whatever,I had to ask my friends BF to guide me through buying it as I was stressing over buying a duffer.I initially went to PCworld and bought a desktop,very nice and all and paid for an extra 1GB to be added,well after waiting for about an hour,they said they couldnt do it and expected me to carry on with the purchase.Er,no-thats why I wanted an extra GB installed by a techy-so I got a refund and luckily I did as I ended up getting what I really wanted in the first place,a week after.I have to say,PCworld did nothing to change my image of them prior to buying-they are imcompetant and dont offer any genuine advice,they only seem to employ teenagers who only speak fluent teenage,and where I live are probably the 2 worst stores to go to.Anyway,its done now and I love it!!!Next,an Ipod or something.